you choose

1. the people around you

2. what you wear

3. how you react

4. how you spend your money

5. Who and what you give your time to 

6. how you treat others

7. what songs you listen to

8. whose opinions matter

9. how much you give

10. how long you’re willing to take shit for

One of the core reasons why I moved across the pond was to grow. But in all honesty, another big reason was also to get away from certain feelings / mentalities. And then I realised that not everything is the opposite here. They might drive on the other side of the road, reorder the date, flick the switch the other way but some things are still the same. The questions that you were probed with before come with a different accent but with the same confusion. The same baffled reactions to your answers feel just as discomforting as they were back home. 

It’s created a bit of hurt in me in the past week because I thought I got away from it and that I was free from the same judgements I feared. I heard myself trying to find quick ways to justify myself and borderline apologising for my choices because I cant.  And I realised that I felt that same, old feeling again. And I still didn't know how to deal with it.

So the only answer I have right now is to choose.

To choose what comes in and out of my world and owning up to these choices for myself. Choosing to not let other people’s disconcertion redirect me. In the end, it has to be you who chooses who you’re going to be and what you're willing give in each scenario. And I think those lines just got clearer.. :)