A little while ago, someone said to me, "you're a head gear sort of person hey?". And I agreed happily. Not that that was even a compliment, it was one of those moments when I thought that someone was seeing me for who I am and not for what I was. And that in my mind, was a big win.
I don't consider myself a shy person, or that I was one, I was just really insecure growing up. I never wanted to be different, to stand out (for good or bad reasons) or any of that sort of thing. All in all, I was deathly afraid to be myself for the longest time, and it's only been the last year that I feel like I'm not just finding myself, but I'm starting to be myself. And in all honesty, it includes of almost everything I was once afraid of.
I'm a pretty right brained person (and I have a silly quiz's results from yesterday to prove it - 69:31 right to left brain ratio baby - cue the groans) but I didn't realise that being creative was the absolute core of me until a year or two ago. I thought I was a logic driven person, but that was who I tried to be for most of my life (#asiankidproblems). So now I'm pushing myself to be myself, and so when that person said that to me, I realised I was actually getting there and that meant something to me. Even if it's small things like wearing a head scarf, something I was afraid to do once upon a time, it makes a difference and reminds me that I can be who I am and that I should. (especially since clothing is a creative outlet for me).
Even if that's not how people (especially those in my past) might see me, it doesn't matter. It's how you see yourself that emanates and that's what really matters.
x, mai-anne
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