no, i don't have all the answers

i've been some kind of tutor/teacher on and off since i was 18. that's 13 years now. and while that's great training for this future female pharell/jay-z, i have to admit now that i don't have the answers. i'm still working things out. and even wondering if there will be answer for those things.

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel sometimes. what i'm supposed to do, or say. how can i be vulnerable when i'm so scared. how do i put myself out there but be chill about it at the same time. i don't fucking know.

and yet there i often am, with an "s" on my chest, all too eager to look like i'm okay and i know what i'm doing.

but i can't run my life like it's a math textbook. there aren't answers if i flip forward to the back (as ironic as that sentence is). all we can do is our best, not the image of what is the best. oof. breathe. 

so here i go. onto the next blank page and ready to live the next unwritten and unplanned moments. holla.

all love, maia.

i m p e r f e c t .

there's something about this word that has really resonated with me lately. maybe because this virgo earthling searched for its opposite her whole life and failed miserably. and so there is so much freedom in this word that i feel now and it's a value i want to keep remembering and keep in my full sized aortic pumps.

one of my favourite books last year was "the gifts of imperfection" by queen brene brown and it's one of those books that make you take a deep breather before moving on to the next chapter. even for someone with a brain that likes to rush like a mofo like my own loose cannon.  why do we try so hard to put up a front and act like we're always okay and that we've got our shit on tight? as much as i want to say i'm done with this sort of thinking, i know it's a journey and making huge mic-dropping proclamations about it is going to lead me to disappointment. so imperfect journey it is. um.. win.  (*hand UP!*)

so here i am, back on the old skool blog scene and giving myself grace that this hasn't been consistent or done perfectly but i think i kinda love it more this way. i'm not 100% sure about what i'll be posting or how often, but i know that it'll be as reflective of my truth as much it can be at that point. and how i'm feeling and thinking about my life and life in general.  just writings and scrappy maia style photos really. ahh, bliss. no more doing it perfectly. thank bloody goodness.

all love, maia.

the streets of ny #2, brooklyn

found this in my drafts folder and wondered why the hell i never posted it. so here were a few my (measly) snaps i mustered of dat famous borough from my trip in october 2014. gawd what terrible tourist i am.